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When we reached a nice vista we settled into the dirt, gulped down some water, and opened up.
Dane and I both wear our hearts on our sleeves, so it was easy for us to share our positive impressions of one another.
Dane is a simple man when it comes to living his life.
While he is very introspective, and offers a lot of depth intellectually, his routines ground him into a steady existence.
When the tears came again (get ready folks, I cry a lot), Dane’s eyes got a little watery too. What I failed to consider on many occasions was how my illness had affected Dane’s wellbeing and our relationship.
We were both so happy that I could finally put a name to my illness, and looked forward to the day when I didn’t have to struggle. “Hurricane Lyme” hit in the middle of my nursing program. : This post is not intended to detract from the incredible burden of chronic illness. but any normal human being is going to feel disappointed and stressed in this situation. He wants to take off on the weekends without worrying about my health. He wants our kitchen cabinet back, the one next to our stove that used to house all of our coffee mugs and is now spilling over with medication.
I loved his consistency and the ease with which he expressed his love for me.
Coming from a rocky home as a child and a marriage that ended in divorce, I had been craving stability long before Dane showed up.
Lyme is characterized by powerful fatigue, muscle aches, inability to focus and, in some cases, almost total incapacity.
If you pay attention, the tapestry of your life has an intricate design with many patterns and signs that serve to support you. I hated the fact that I had transformed into a much more helpless human being. I do not want to lie and say that I no longer expect too much from him. There are days when I am worn out and have nothing to give but anger and resentment.
Dane’s family possess many of his qualities that I love so dearly, and they accepted my diagnosis with open arms … I felt guilty that Dane had more responsibilities around the house, that he had to listen to my whining, and that we could no longer go hiking. I joke that Dane should put hazard tape around me and the television so no one gets too close, then run like the wind … Despite my bad days, I have greatly improved in my coping skills.
But the helpers are affected by the disease as well. Tired of waking up in the middle of the night to comfort me. I also spend a lot of time trying to anticipate Dane’s needs and creatively find ways to meet them (creativity is key when you don’t have a lot of energy).
Dane’s patience wore thin because HE was JUST TIRED. Our relationship is weathering “Hurricane Lyme,” which–frankly–makes me feel proud. So, I would never judge a relationship that didn’t make it through the storm.